Here are some illegal activities that I’ve documented on this blog and in my book.  How can this possibly be known as “the land of the free?”

Gardening-Related Activities

• Having a garden in the front yard
• Selling your produce at a roadside stand
• Planting flowers in your front yard – and again

Yard Sales

• Selling recalled items at a yard sale
• Having a yard sale without a permit
• Holding more than two yard sales per year
• Putting up signs for your yard sale on the lawn between the sidewalk and the road
• Putting up yard sale signs on city poles
• Accepting cash at your yard sale if it is your second sale in a month
• Having a yard sale in your front yard
• Selling glue to minors at a yard sale

School-Related Activities

• Allowing your children to walk to school
• Allowing your children to bring food from home into school
• Students touching each other in any way
• Students in school having food fights
• Bringing Nerf guns to school
• Riding a bike to school
• Not getting your children vaccinated against the flu before admittance to school 
• Homeschooling without getting your child an annual medical examination 
• Burping in school 
• Accepting a gift from a student, if you are a teacher 
• Eating your pizza into the shape of a gun 
• Self reporting that you accidentally brought a knife to school 
• Singing the national anthem incorrectly at school
• Taking a picture of a sleeping teacher
• Wearing a kilt to prom
• Using unpleasant words when writing a test
• Having a food fight in school
• Throwing a temper tantrum in school
• Wearing a breast cancer research bracelet in school
• Dropping crumbs on the bus or at lunch

Food

• Buying, selling, and transporting raw milk
• Cooking or making food with trans fat
• Salting your food or making processed food with more than a certain amount of sodium
• Setting up a lemonade stand in your yard
• Feeding pigs organic vegetables
• Selling green tea in a stand at your house
• Buying large, sugary drinks in NYC
• Bringing beer to a beer festival
• Selling hotdogs in the wrong city zone

Good Deeds

• Setting up tents for homeless people
• Feeding homeless people
• Offering free rides to potential drunk drivers
• Feeding other people’s parking meters
• Directing traffic when the signal goes out
• Collecting money at intersections for cancer research
• Helping students register to vote
• Feeding whales
• Rescuing a drowning person out of your patrol zone
• Feeding hungry kids in your neighborhood
• Passing out bottled water for free on a hot day
• Operating a soup kitchen without a license

Photography

• Photographing federal buildings, light rail, bus stops, banks, stadiums, street lights, and airports
• Photographing law enforcement officers
• Photographing children that aren’t your own children
• Taking impromptu photographs of your own children while they aren’t wearing clothes
• Taking a picture of your grandson at the mall

Garbage

• Failing to wrap broken glass before putting it in the garbage
• Having more than two garbage receptacles out for collection at any given time without a sticker from the city
• Composting without the proper container
• Putting your trash bin out for collection prior to 7:00 p.m. on the night before collection
• Failing to bring your empty bin away from the road on the day of collection
• Failing to recycle your cat litter

Traffic Violations

• Crossing the street without using a crosswalk
• Allowing your children to cross the street without using a crosswalk
• Parking your car along the street for more than two days in a row
• Starting your car and leaving it running in the driveway unattended
• Failing to register your bicycles with the city
• Failure to wear a seat belt
• Failure to wear a helmet
• Going through red lights while on a bicycle
• Flashing your headlights to warn other drivers about an upcoming speed trap
• If under 18, allowing other minor passengers in your vehicle while you are driving
• Texting while biking
• Honking in support of some cause
• Eating while driving
• Biking or walking (ie, not being in a vehicle in public)
• Riding your bike the wrong way on a one-way street
• Using a cell phone while driving (as a teenager)
• Having a secret compartment on your vehicle
• Exceeding the speed limit to overtake another vehicle
• Wearing headphones while driving
• Texting while walking
• Driving with a dog on your lap

Fire Hazards

• Having a fire lit in town after 6:00 p.m.
• Failing to cover your fires with a mesh cover that has holes no larger than 1/4″

Noise Violations

• Having a vehicle that registers over 80 decibels from 15 feet away

Pet Violations

• Failing to get rabies vaccinations for your animals
• Failing to have your animals wear their rabies vaccination tag at all times
• Failing to register your pets with the city
• Having your pet on a leash or tether more than three hours a day
• Feeding birds
• Allowing your dog to ride on your motorcycle
• Allowing your pet to ride in your car without a crate or restraint

Public Nuisances

• Drying your clothes on a clothesline 
• Failing to sod your lawn 
• Wearing a bunny suit
• Popping zits in public
• Mowing your lawn early in the morning 
• Butchering a cow in your driveway 
• Panhandling
• Planking
• Erecting a temporary fence for your Christmas decorations 
• Wearing pajamas in public
• Failing to put siding on your house to certain specifications
• Being outside without an adult (if under 18)
• Having a billboard that changes messages more than once every 10 minutes
• Using sidewalk chalk
• Dancing on the subway
• Having a small pile of mulch in your yard, covered by a tarp
• Flying a flag, hanging a banner/pennant
• Putting a playhouse in your front yard

Behavior that is Seen as Immoral

• Being intoxicated while in a car as a passenger 
• Refusing to submit to a breathalyzer test
• Using marijuana
• Sexting
• Purchasing more than three grams of ephedrine in a seven day period
• Having overdue library books 
• Synthetic marijuana
• Gambling with your NCAA tournament pool
• Using credit cards for medical marijuana purchases
• Floating down a river on a raft while intoxicated

Environmental Violations

• Transporting a baby woodpecker
• Smoking basically anywhere (even in your own apartment/condo)
• Failing to notify the government if you hit a deer and take it home
• Shooting and killing a bear after making a non-lethal hit on a previous bear (with permit)
• Collecting rain water on your own property

Because They Say So

• Using a cell phone on a plane
• Using a tanning bed if under 18, even with parent permission
• Using cash to pay for second-hand items
• Selling children’s clothing with drawstrings
• Using a pseudonym online
• Operating in certain professions without a license 
• Asking where to check a gun at the Empire State Building
• Having untaxed cigarettes in your possession 
• Failing to wear a helmet while skateboarding 
• Wearing a cap or a hoodie in public 
• Throwing  a frisbee on a public beach during the summer 
• Altering a toy gun to look like a real one
• Being in public during school hours if you are a minor
• Leaving a child under 8 in a vehicle
• Pointing your finger at cops
• Calling the police in a non-emergency
• Dispensing gasoline if under legal driving age
• Being a midwife or giving birth at home
• Writing a nutrition blog without a license
• Being an unaccompanied man in the children’s section at a bookstore
• Firing a gun within city limits (at an intruder who is lunging at you)
• Failure to report a crime you have witnessed, even a minor one
• Having a treehouse too close to your property line
• Making a backup copy of a DVD that you own
• Failing to register for Selective Service within 30 days of turning 18